So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
