There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I can't put those talents on a resume
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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