How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
