So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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