sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Is it penis luge time yet?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
