now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
