Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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