it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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