The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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