so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
