the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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