Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
