and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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