I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
