i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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