So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
