Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
