He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes