oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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