The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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