College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
