I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
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