Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
