I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
