...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
