My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
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