I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
