I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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