My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
