So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
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