just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
