I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
