I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
She's JV to your varsity
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize