Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
