Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
