My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
