You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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