For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
