Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
