Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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