Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
