I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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