I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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