just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
