I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
