He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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