Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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