So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
