worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
