uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
