I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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