So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
