You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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