you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
