I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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