We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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