yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
