You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
