I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
