never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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