Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
