You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
