dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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