We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
