too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
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I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
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P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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