y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
