RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
